On The Headship of Husbands

It can be very difficult for many of us to cut through modern usage of terms when reading Paul's admonitions to Christian husbands and wives. He definitely sounds chauvinistic to contemporary ears. We so easily view the idea of headship of the husband as a position of power. This is not only the modern worldly view of headship, but an ancient view as well. However, the Christian view — Paul's view — is neither. The headship of the husband is not a position of worldly power. Rather, it is a function of total surrender to the Cross. I finally came to terms with Paul's call to submission in marriage when I began to reflect on Christian marriage as a two-partner dance. Leading in a dance is simply a function. Following in a dance — i.e., "submitting" or "obeying" — is merely the reciprocal function. Both the husband and the wife are subject to Christ, as a man and a woman are subject to the music as they dance. If the husband's role is to lead, and the wife's role is to follow, so what? What's the big deal? How does it make the wife inferior? The husband superior? To claim such things of dance partners would be as nonsensical as stating that an axle is superior to the wheel attached to it. They are simply acting as one unit. In fact, they don't get anywhere unless they act as one unit. The most important element of the dance is that both partners must follow the same music.

If the husband is not listening to the music of the Gospel, he can neither lead nor function as a Christian husband. Is the wife then supposed to "submit" or follow when he steps on her toes this way? How can she? Contrary to popular revisionist belief, the writers of the Scriptures do not advise her to wallow in her suffering and to submit to abuse from a wayward husband who doesn't obey the Word. None of that is part of the solution offered in I Peter: that the wife, by example, show her reverence for the Word in order to bring her husband back to the Word (3:1-2). This passage reminds the woman that her first allegiance is always to Christ. She must, figuratively speaking, just keep humming the music of the Gospel to let her husband know he is out of line and out of step. Her tune should remind him that they are both called to total surrender to the Cross. The wife can't easily do this if she loudly complains about his sins or tries to lead him or push him around the dance floor. The best bet is to remain humble yet active, and firmly determined to let the Holy Spirit lead her thoughts, words, and deeds. Then the husband is most likely to be brought back into the dance. Otherwise, there can be no dance, no Christianmarriage.

And what of the wife who falls away from obedience to the Word? What is the husband's function when she steps on his toes or tires of the dance? Paul's answer is that the husband is not to humiliate the wife any more than she is to humiliate him. Paul specifically reminds the husband not to be "harsh" (Col. 3:19). He does so in the same spirit in which he reminds a wife not to berate her husband. In both cases, the husband and wife must put their egos aside in order to submit to God's will for each of them. In fact, in his letter to the Ephesians, Paul prefaces his whole discussion of headship with a statement clearly indicating that neither party has power over the other: "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph. 5:21).

- Stella Morabito

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